June 21, 2008

Sexual Ambiguity Solidarity

Some years ago a friend called me, asking for my advice about his daughter and her progressively ambivalent relationships while she was in college, and what they should do about it. I ask for some details, and he related that:

In her first year at SDSU she informed her parents that she was no longer a virgin.

During her second year she declared that she was a lesbian.

In her third year she quietly shared that while she still enjoyed sexual relations with women there was a definite place for men in her sex life as well.

In her fourth year of college she announced that, now that she was more experienced and aware of the larger world, and rather than limit her relationships, she would go on to graduate school in her true identity, as a Goth.

I had known these people since the 1960s, and watched each of their four children grow up. I felt I had to say something soothing, encouraging, and practical. So, I told him that they had no choice but to take a longer view of these things, and that sometimes one just had to let bi-goths be bi-goths.

First published in Tribe, September 15, 2007 -

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